Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
I'm going to need your assistance. I cannot walk back to the house in a bear costume.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
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