Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
I need to stop having one night stands with guys in my building so I can have someone to borrow milk from without it being awkward
Bouncy castle Catalina wine-mixer race for the cure. It will be as fun as it sounds
No that means he must've used the nipple clamps
She called me her guardian angel after I picked her phone up from the river of pee coming from her front porch.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
Awk. Hanging with her while messaging her ex about sex injuries he gave me
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Is it okay to get drunk at a baby shower? ....asking for a friend
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
he's fucking insane. he's worse than me. is that even possible? I'm only with him because his dick is huge. I need Jesus.
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