When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
why did u have a candy cane hung on your dick in the first place?
she has a santa fetish
cute.
some guy just walked by in the street and for 5 seconds yelled "IMM SOOOO HORNYYYYYY!!!!"
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
Some chick is drunk waving down a taxi with a slice of pizza.
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Do the security cameras outside your house capture sound? If so your whole family is going to hear me describe my threesome
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
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