yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
