There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
i hate this class. from the way they're all staring you would think they've never seen a girl in basketball shorts, heels and sunglasses.
Pregnancy scare over. Let the cockfest begin.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
So topless strobe light beer pong turned into me rugby tackling a bitch to the ground.my tits will never forgive me for sacrificing their majesticness for responsibility
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I think your dick broke my retainer, I normally wouldnt care but my orthodontist died and I don't want my first appt to be blow job broken retainer with a new ortho.
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I've never seen a dude bust out of his jacket and rock an air banjo like u
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
Why are we so out going and care free I can't wait for maturity to kick in so we stop having 700 dollar bar tabs
we got cockblocked by his mom again...its like she has a radar on me
please stop trying to sleep with him
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