garbage
garbage dick
rubbish cock
you win
I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I think my vagina is haunted
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
Just try not to burn your pubes off with sparklers this year.
No promises
I was sitting here smiling wondering why i'm so fucking happy at work. cookie has kicked in
I woke up to a bum peeing outside my window, and he said, "This is embarrassing for you."
that blonde bartender and I racked up an impressive mini bar bill last night
Mini bar? Did you get a hotel room?
Yeah, the last thing I need right now is a chick with an insane clown posse tattoo knowing where I live
That’s legit
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