I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
just took a pee in my own yard...decided i had to poo..only got a dingle berry....wiped it away with my finger..help me...my mom AND dad are home.
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
Gonna send a picture of my negative pregnancy test with the message "Merry Christmas" to the guys I've been sleeping with. That alone, will put a huge dent in my shopping list of gifts for people.
sounds like it. if it makes you feel better i blew up a $75000 farm tractor last night.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
I just sold Adderall to a priest, im not quite sure how I feel about this situation
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
