just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
I was so high last night. I wrote a poem about my salt shaker
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
we were both as far on opposite edges of my bed as possible this morning. id say work is gonna be a little uncomfortable from now on
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
Just so you know swallowing does not help chest colds. Your Phd can suck my dick
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
Some drunk guy thought my knee scooter was the sexiest thing he's ever seen. He then proceeded to ask me about duck hunting and decoys...
I'm tired of you and your emotional constipation. WHY DO YOU CLOSE YOUR EYES WHEN WE MAKE LOVE!?
Randomize
