everyone is single if you try hard enough
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
You called yourself Captain Aspirin and then tried to cure my headache by shoving pills up my nose. Fuck you becoming a nurse, you can't take care of me while you're drunk ever again. Ever.
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
What's the place called?
I searched "county" on google, but....there's a lot of results
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I walked in on him fucking her whilst she ate skittles. I saw things no one should see, but I did get your bra back. You owe me.
The free coupon that printed out with the purchase of my plan b emergency contraception was for allergy meds. I feel like a coupon for condoms would've been more fitting in this situation.
Oh wait. It's for wart remover. Fitting, afterall.
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
Randomize
