he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
She said i kept moaning her moms name instead of hers
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
If this adventure is going to get us arrested it'll have to wait until Wednesday so that I can bail myself out.
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
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