First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
i just honestly didn't believe you when you said your brother was a fucking clown. ho shit you weren't kidding.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
We met some guy at the beach, and dug a hole with him. He invited us to "come back at night and smoke a blunt in this hole"
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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