Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
Mmmhmmm sure, nice try, but there's certain wounds that only bj's can heal
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
I just made an agreement with this milf to shoot her daughters wedding in exchange for blow jobs. Going pro was the best choice I ever made.
Ill tap morse code on the ceiling when im ready for you to come down amd smoke
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Gatorade without vodka just doesn't taste the same
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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