i don't remember her name, but i don't need it unless we decide to hook up again. but even then, i can get away with not knowing it for a while. it's not like we have actual conversations.
Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I really need to stop carrying a flask around with me in my backpack at school..
Aren't you in 8th grade?
9th, but that's not the point.
It's like a choose-your-own-adventure. But the adventure is already chosen for you. And it sucks.
He's doing the single life. He recently finished like a 3 year relationship. You can't date him.
But I don't want to date him. I just want to look at him. Naked. And in my bed.
So the old dude that tried to fight me is definitely Katie's dad. And the pot cookie's kicking in. Shit is getting weird.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
sometimes u just have to say fuck it and help a straight sixteen year old break into her uncles gay bar.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
