Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
Tonight must have been good, I have already had two cups of coffee but still couldn't figure out how to operate a door.
The stories of what you did in Cuba got home before you.
you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
Just invented taco cereal.
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
This is why we can never be together. Well that and we r married to other ppl but that's very minor detail compared to the coffee issue
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Honestly after an incomprehensible political rant yoga seems like the best option at 2 am
Randomize
