The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
When they arrested me, they gave me a bracelet with my mugshot and info. When you get one they can be our BFF Bracelets.
i'm taking a spore imprint of the mushroom we found growing in our bathroom and sending a picture to ryan. he will then be able to tell if it's trip-worthy
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Well, she yelled at the stripper that she couldn't lick whipped cream off his nipples because she is lactose intolerant.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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