If i come over, it means nothing
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
If I'm gonna go to jail I'm gonna be wearing a poncho
I would ask why there is a chair tied to the door of the fridge.. but I am not sure anyone knows the answer.
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
I'd cum for enchiladas.
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
Please write a memoir and name it "Game Boy and Dick Stuff"
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
I told him to come over when I realized that I did have time for a quick booty call before church.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
im buying my prof a giftcard to the state store bc he talked ab crying into a glass of tequila so he deserves it
Masturbated while waiting for my face mask to dry, so it was a productive night.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
