I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
And in my birthday dress, with my friends, i peed on myself in line for the club. Still went in and partied. I remember pieces
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
She found my wedding ring, sallowed it and wished me good luck explaining it to my wife before walking out. Now what?
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Listen I'm tryna celebrate your divorce. Sometimes that calls for drinking on the toilet.
So, anyways, aside from wanting to seduce my roommate for booze, how's everything been
I am such a fucking liability at weddings. I ended up making out with this married 40-year-old that told me that basically if I came home with him and be a sex partner for him and his wife, I would never have to pay for anything again. Extremely considered it.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
I'm worried about us. We are almost 30 and we still drink jaeger bombs till we black out. Wait, no I'm not. I'm excited about us.
Randomize
