I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Because when I say 'You shouldn't drink anymore', she hears, 'I personally challenge you to chug 3 more mixed drinks'
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
in other news i'm homewrecking via instagram
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I wrote him a note at the end of the final. I'm hoping I can flirt my way in to an A or B
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
