Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i think i recognize dicks better than faces
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
In other news, I had my first sex related injury of the school year so that's cool
Take your time. I'm mowing the lawn. In the dark. Drunk.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
I am pretty great at coffee and mistakes
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Randomize
