When we talk. Remind me of these topics, photoshop, my bday, threesomes, and cherekee indians. I swear these are real topics...
New topics to add when we talk, sweden, boxing, and the band journey
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
GOOD IDEA: Stealing the bike a couple blocks away so I don't have to walk. BAD IDEA: riding bike for the first time in years drunk as hell. I'm bleeding and my body hurts and once again I can't find my car.
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
Randomize
