Can we switch to phone sex? This is starting to get awkward...
i'm going to rape that little man
omg not your brother
grandma shit on top of the toilet
You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
Drunk man just did a hand stand, fell over, knocked over a whole table of desserts, and didnt lose his cowboy hat. winner.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
I want to throw pennies on her stage, or just ripping up a dollor bill and throw them one at a time.
He is the blood diamond of hook ups. You think you want it...but you don't
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
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