Apparently you walked through my house with your dress on your head
honey bunches of taint.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I just want to smoke weed and be the little spoon all winter. My modern day hibernation.
1 fuck you 2 fuck her 3 ur forgiven 4 im breaking up with her
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
Randomize