you have to choose: penises or morals?
Google Chrome's "top 8 most visited sites" page has become my motivation to stop masturbating
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
I HAVEN'T FUCKED ANYONE IN FOREVER AND A HALF I DON'T DESERVE TO BE A TRASHY BLONDE
I don't give a fuck that he's gay and keeps hitting on me. Free cocaine is free cocaine bro
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
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