Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
stop calling my apartment porn island.
there is no way i can order from that cashier at in n out after she tried helping me while i was drunkenly puking in their bathroom at 11 am
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
i know i said i'd always be there for you, but i'm beginning to think that what you call "being there for me" the american judicial system calls reckless endangerment.
Dave got tied up again. I'm done breaking into girls houses to cut him loose. At least before noon.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I came in and she was laying on the ground just stoking it saying "the floor is where our feet step"
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
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