this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Just spent the last 5 minutes laughing at my epipen. i think i'm too high.
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Why is there a muffler in the livingroom?
First, I just want to say that I had nothing to do with it. Second, how good is your car insurance?
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
he played intl players anthem 4me and ate a strawberry out of my pussy
Just woke up from an extremely erotic dream featuring Steve Buscemi. Now I can't sleep.
Every time we have sex, I feel his dick ramming my soul into submission. Problem is..... I LIKE THAT SHIT!
I'm feeding a baby and swiping on tinder...what has my life come to?!?!
summer in europe = liver of steel
I accept that challenge.
I think the moment she woke up butt naked on a mattress with her phone still on her face was the point she knew last night was fucked up
Which one have i been cheating ON and which one have i been cheating WITH if i met them the same night & have been dividing time equally?
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
Randomize
