Any little, cute, petite blondes with you?
Nah, I got some slutty brunettes though.
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
Just fat and dog and sweat all over the bed. All night long.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Yea she is hot. But she also had no toothpaste in her entire apartment.
So not only did I get laid today but I also left with a 42” tv lol
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