Trimmed my pubes and broke your paper shredder. Separate events.
We have a vodka soaked ShamWow with your name on it.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
They're having chugging contests. With juice. Please get me out of Utah.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
I found out my butt plug has a metal core at the airport security checkpoint...
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
I never realized how weird our shower smells until I cracked a shower beer and had a familiar aroma to compare it to.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
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