Do you think the new Crest Whitestrips Advance Seal would stay on while I give him head? It would be great to knock out 2 things at once...
No mine's bigger. It just looks smaller because I'm drunk
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
mom brought her knitting needles with her. its bad enough to be in the ER on new years, but to be with the knitting parent!?
We started a mustache riot at white castle at 4 in the morning. Will explain in detail.
the ladder is at the bottom of the pool
Like I couldn't describe it to you but if they did a lineup of penises i'd be able to pick it out.
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
On a scale of 1 to "bad descision", where does stealing my racist neighbors dog and giving him my roomates dildo for a chew toy rate?
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
just walked across campus with a bottle of champagne in between my boobs. night two and the quest for classiness is already over
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I woke up with masking tape on my nipples this morning........... WHY DO BAD THINGS HAPPEN TO GOOD PEOPLE
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