Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
Just saw a teacher from our school with his wife... Now i really know how little teachers get paid.
All she said was "the usual?" and unzipped my pants.
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I haven't even booked my flights yet and I have my drug supply sorted
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
I just found out that there's a bar that has happy hour at 12 pm. It's like the universe doesn't want me to be sober
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
How likely is it that we can see each other tomorrow night? I want to shave my legs in good faith but it's cold outside and my bathroom is drafty.
Guy just walked into the bathroom with only socks on and took a 5second shit. It is taking me longer to type this than for him to shit, wash hands, and leave the bathroom. WTF? Still wondering why he only had socks on.
Randomize
