he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i keep forgetting that not all of my female friends are bisexual.
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
She came to the party with six kegs and a life sized portrait of Lavar Burton. SHE WILL BE MY WIFE.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
My head is pounding and I need an ice pack for my vag. Successful friendsgiving!
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
Randomize
