He disabled his match.com account in front of me
if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
discovery: the myth about swedish girls giving good head? not a myth.
whos cum tastes better, a guy who drinks apple juice or cranberry juice?
He doesn't make grammatical errors. Even while getting head.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
All i've had today is coffee and ketchup packets. I need a job like yesterday.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
what the fuck happend anyway? How did it go from smoothies after work to blacking out?
Randomize
