I hate ducks.
What?
they're sketch. like squirrels. squirrels are sketch as fuck.
one word: firstdatebathroomanal
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
Randomize
