They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Dude. He drives a mini. Therefore he's a virgin
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
The realization of how permanent those tattoos really were set in this morning... I am SO sorry.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
That sad moment when even your drug dealer lands a summer internship and you don't...
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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