I think I won the penis lottery.
It's a shame that I don't know his last name. Actually, it's an ever bigger shame that I don't know his first name
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
hungover waitressing a bar association event. im being judged by actual judges.
With the drought our water bill is skyrocketing. No more shower sex, masturbating, or pretending to be under a water fall after smoking a blunt.
We 6 way cheers-ed with French fries last night, hammered, in the booth.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
We have to do it Saturday and get a thirty. If i remember correctly it takes me 12 beers to become a wizard
He's bringing a lesbian pretending to be his girlfriend to family Christmas. I can not wait to see how this goes.
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
