Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
We talked about all of the sex positions that would better allow him to feed me grapes. I think I'm in love.
Drinking with mariachis at jimmy johns.
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
Did i tell you that he's legal and i got his number? Because he's legal and i got his number. THIS BITCH AIN'T GOING TO JAIL YET
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
i don't want him to see me in a bathing suit.
hasn't he seen you naked?
well yeah, but it's different in a bathing suit.
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