we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
He's been dead since March and more people write on his wall than mine.
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
It's so cute when the exchange student uses "blowjob" as a verb.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
Euphemism? No, "pantsless vodka yoga" is a legitimate pastime of mine
Best surprise in my car. A cookie, sliced kiwi and the rest of my margarita. Work is going to be awesome.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
Also this guy in my contact as hairy jerry sent me a pic of him shirtless and said I miss you and I have no idea who he is /when or if I met him but that's not normal?!
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Dude you came into the room last night soak and wet and told me you just took a shit in the shower
Randomize
