How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
"Guy Time" translaed into 10 shots apiece and me waking up covered in my own blood.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
i hope someone procrastinates by putting up the pics up...
sarah said she can't even post all of hers due to facebook indecency rules
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
His apology was sex and a subway sandwich. Strangely, I'm okay with that.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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