Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
i was watching some porn this morning and i realized i am blessed with a truly beautiful vagina
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
Give me a second. I'm doing my best but I'm drunk so for some reason fitting both my boobs in the pic is just incredibly difficult. They aren't THAT big. I'm just being retarded.
Just set out 2 water bottles as an offering to my hungover self.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
