You know you have a problem when the only thing that saves you is that you drank so late into the night that you sleep through the designated walk of shame time window
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
He left his umbrella behind in my bed to 'keep me company', then stole my front door key before he went to work
This is the high leading the old right now
I know it's not technically the "Mile High Club" but we def need a name for the airport bathroom. Cuz that just happened.
Hey, you gotta think, is this REALLY the penis you wanna see for the rest of your life? THINK!
A part of me realizes this is a bad time to text. But I override it with my awesomeness
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
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