So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
That girl you went home with last night was dressed in a bright blue sweats at the bar. 205lb Smurffete FTL. Boy were you in epic form.
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
you are my patron saint of "too drunk for 9am". i just keep asking myself what would alyssa do as i try to regain motor function
You hopped on the counter after puking, and told us you were wearing bare feet and didn't want to be alone.
Gees I domt know what your deal was. You kept looking at Nick and shaking your head frantically and doing a weird motion with your hands
Tgat was the small dick alert
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
He came when he saw that my nipples were pieced
"She's seriously grinding on him while whispering into his ear, 'take me to McDonald's.'"
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
So I've already made 5 bad decisions today, wyd?
Randomize
