When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I'm watching a man in drag spread food products on his face my life is spiraling out of control.
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
Your mission, should you decide to accept it, is to pick up rum, beer, and cigarettes. Your holiday will self-destruct if you ignore this message.
sooo the guy I beat last night in strip pong is the manager's husband at my new job...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
Randomize
