I'm naming my child veloci raptor. And you can be a part of its life if you want. But that's its name. Cause i have the vagina.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
Yeah everyone's alive and well besides the still terrifying threat of Ted's conception of a human being
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
Hello my rib-scented angel!
no we just smoked too much weed and listened to the tarzan soundtrack. phil collins is amazing
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
I just set my mike's hard down and didn't want it to spill, so I held my finger up and told it to shoosh. I'm drunk.
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
