That girl really should ne nicer to her vagina. It's not a playground.
Apparently hers is a theme park.
You were parading around the bar chugging girls drinks and then asking them if you could buy them a drink. It was actually genius
i just used my scantron for my final to make paper shotglasses. i'd say i passed in flying colors.
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
I missed rounds this morning...my senior resident hooked me up to and IV and made me stay in the clinic because he said I didn't look presentable enough to walk around the hospital
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
Wore a burger king crown while giving head still drunk this morning #blessed
I woke up while eating peanut butter from a jar. I don't think I should be social today.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
Stop letting me drink alone on saturdays. My last 2 google searches were "short legs" and "caterpillar eyebrows" ? I don't even know.
I live in Vegas It shouldn’t be this hard to find a penis looking for a night of no strings attached sex
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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