mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
was i strangled at any point last night? or was his dick just that long
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He tried to fight me not realizing that I work as a bouncer in the the same bar we were in. His night ended with him in handcuffs, missing teeth, PLUS I got his shots that he ordered since he didn't get to drink them.
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
They're not that bad of drunks, they come back to the vehicle with more stuff than they went in with, so its a profitable venture.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
They are going to name an STD after you.
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
tell me about the fingering
Randomize
