her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
He's in the same dorm as me. We are sharing a laundry room, gym, and cafeteria. I'VE ALREADY COMMITTED DORMCEST AND MOVE-IN DAY ISN'T UNTILL NEXT WEEK!!!!
My ninety day supply of adderal just came in the mail and I literally just dumped all 180 pills into my hands and laughed like a maniac. Shits about to get cray
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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