i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
If Ritalin and Plan B had an illegitimate child it would smell like me.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
I love flavors. My neighbour is owide smoking and so am I. I'm adio boooooored and I need an adult.
So were u tired or drunk when u wrote last night's text message?
pills.
Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
Maybe I'm just didn't notice and imagined a different penis as a Freudian coping mechanism?
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
I replaced his Viagra pills with sleeping pills.
Pre-chapter meeting quote: "Why is there a bun literally taped to the shelf? That doesn't even make sense when you're drunk, who does that?"
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
Jus had a dream that I borrowed bob dylans car to save us from a pack of raptors. Pretty stoked about it.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Randomize
