everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
I was so hungover I threw up on her when she answered the door. i don't think it was a good first impression
Looking at the victoria's secret website makes the ice cream I'm eating taste like sadness and obesity
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
Hows that studying goin for you?
I'm in my bathtub in a robe and jeans smoking a bowl and my hair is covered in olive oil
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Apparently I had 2 bloody noses and after my sis put me to bed at the hotel, I escaped and my sister's friend found me in an elevator with some guy
I'm serenading his dick with my words. I understand how poets get inspiration now.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
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