I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
You drunk yet?
Nope. Give me two hours then delete my texts before you read them.
Cant make any promises.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
No, my body just knows its the weekend and wants to rage. Very different from alcoholism
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Walking back to my car from the campus library and just saw a Nuva Ring on the sidewalk. If that doesn't scream college life, idk what does.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
Randomize
