It looked like if robin williams had a vagina
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
my mom just asked me, concerned, if I swallowed.
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Dignity is for republicans.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
He told me to be careful with the shrooms because he mostly had caps left. He sounded apologetic but that's the best news all week.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
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