If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
today he pulled me aside to show me a lawn mower that he drew above his pubes. I saw his pubes in all their glory. Right there. In spanish class. Hola.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
just went to my meeting with last nights make up still on, not wearing a bra, and the 14 shot tallies still on my wrist.. My advisor's questions should be answered as to why I'm not in my major yet.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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