id be glad to
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
So after your 27th or so beer, you gave me songs you want to have used if you're ever on intervention.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
its all coming back to me in waves....waves of humiliation and nausea.
you left me with this keg alone. this is on your hands
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
You need to finger her with the Spock hand sign since she loves Star Trek.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
She was drunk, dancing on the table. Until the table leg completely broke off and she fell on the ground and broke her front tooth straight off. Worse news is there making her pay for the table
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
