I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
We took shots in honor of Shark Week.
and then she said I drew a line on her forehead with my cum and whispered "Simba"
I'm 99% sure I high fived a girl over mashed potatoes last night
I miss the smell of you or some shit.
You were fucked up like a footballbat trying to eat gum off your shoe. And that wasn't even the nights lowest point.
Posting happy birthday to my grandpa on Facebook.... Then realizing my profile pic is me dressed as a slutty cop when he used to be a police officer.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
Please don't give away my fajitas
Randomize
