she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
You shouted "FUCK SHANIA TWAIN" and then downed an Aquafina bottle of white wine none of us knew how to react
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Hey, I'm off work. Wanna take a metric fuckton of adderall, possibly get daydrunk, and get my hair cut?
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
can I CTRL ALT DELETE this universe
Randomize
