he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
I get drunk and say inappropriate things... you get drunk and sleep with inappropriate people. it's what we do.
Does she know that uploading nude photos to photobucket and networking are two different things? You may want to ask.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Today I left one job interview, showed up randomly at his house for a midday bootycall then left right after to attend my second job interview. I got both jobs
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
Randomize
