He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
After pissing all over her van its a lot easier to look her in the eye than I thought.
I seriously feel like I just crawled out from under a shit covered rock. I'm NEVER drinking like that again...well, not for alteast a solid 3 hours.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
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