escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
i think this is the gayest thing you've ever shown me. and i'm pretty sure you've sent me pictures of a dude sticking his dick in a horse's nose.
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Sometimes things go your way and sometimes you get hit on by a fat drunk girl.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
I think I've done enough damage with my vagina as of late, thank you
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
