so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
Buying her a drink is like giving a seagull a French fry, all you're gonna do is get annoyed and shit on
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was drunk, he was taking a bodyshot while avoiding my piercing. I told him I loved him. He waited until I woke up with my hangover to say he loved me too. It was hangover magic.
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
Do you remember making out with the dude in the back of my cab last night?? You said his mustache tickled your tongue.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
I know they deliver ice cream, but do you think I can ask the delivery guy to watch the rest of the movie with me too?
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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