Sometimes, when I'm driving alone I talk to myself in a Russian accent so I think it's my mommy and it calms me down.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
You don't understand, we were on a waffle house. Both of us were absolutely certain we passed out at his place then BAM! Waffle house.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
He recreated the night that started all my mothers days. We shared a joint, drank Boones Farm, and dry humped to the Beastie Boys. Then I cried over MCA's death. Best. Gift. Ever.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
I'd date him. I'd date the fucking shit out of him.
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
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