My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
her eyes looked like someone had poured fruit punch in them. needless to say we had a good time.
When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i was gonna fuck her but then she started eatin sushi from her purse. i really need to raise my standards
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
I think it says something about my life when I start picking up girls while im in rehab. And I don't think it's good.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I think my brain has decided it's boycotting life until it can do whatever it wants.
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
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