Do you have a straightener and are extra lubricated condoms not the norm?
So she puts out... but it wasn't worth it
I am going to be the most sexually active ladybug that he has ever seen
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
'go have sex with her' ddoes not count as wingman
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
So her ex boyfriend came up a lot in conversation while I was fucking her. Is that weird?
Who the fuck has a conversation during sex?
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Randomize
