you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
How are you feeling today?
i could've thrown up on command at any point today...
They were fighting, but then they bumped into the bong and it shattered. After that they just hugged and cried.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
So help me Jesus we're never drinking together again. But weekends don't count. Amen.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
my vagina is starting to think like a penis, and I'm not even slightly worried
Just woke up from a first date on the futon watching Arrested Development by myself, him cuddling another chick in his room. Simultaneously the best and worst one night stand in history.
Bonus: took me 2 hours to get home on the streetcar cause I spent my cab money on drinks for his friend last night.
i wore a power symbol belly button ring just so i can drunkenly tell him that he turns me on. i dont care if it works i think its classy
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
I want to sit on top of her nipple mountains and reenact the Ricola commercial.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
My roommate's overnight guest is screaming about the dog licking his asshole. I need a new place to live.
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