we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
It's 3 am and my parents just came up the driveway in a limo. They didn't leave in a limo. I'm scared to even ask.
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I had to write an apology letter to security guards in the hotel so I didnt get kicked out
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I clipped one of my extensions in his hair to give him a rat tail. What is my life?
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
well I ran around the park drunk with a plastic baby and fell, all while screaming "I WILL PROTECT YOU CARLOS", yeah there's video
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
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