Over it. He probably jacked off to bible verses last night. I don't want that
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
What's grosser: using a dirty sex towel as an oven mitt? or using the oven to reheat superbowl bean dip for dinner?
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
I'm imagining a seal in an ugly shirt hahahahaha Percocet
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
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