I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
Great I'll forever be branded as gym slut at the new gym.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
I just remember her dragging me inside in a panic saying we needed mentos and popcorn I have no fucking clue how we ended up asleep in her closet.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I don't care how much you're grieving a loss, masturbating off the side of a roof is not acceptable mourning behavior.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
You've been dating this guy for a month now and as your best friend I have to complain that I still don't how big his dick is.
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
Randomize
