I may just buy something cuz i have 6 weddings in the next year and a half.
Holy shittt I don't even have a bf
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
Just found my bra in a bag of chips on the kayak floating about the pond. Sure sign of a good night
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
It's like if a cloud had tits and you laid on them.
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
So his 25th anniversary post of love to his wife was almost verbatim what he said to me last week. Does that mean I win or lose?
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Interesting, I was always told to run away from crazy, but you seem to think we should run towards them dick first.
Randomize
