I am pretty sure he just licked my hand while trying to sing goo goo dolls iris to me. Get me out of this state.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Your christmas gifts are already wrapped, how on top of my shit am I?
I'm hungover as fuck and had to break into my own house by throwing a cinder block through my back door at 4am. You're more on top of your shit than me.
That's because "bed time" is my sex playlist. If you're trying to fall asleep use "nap time"
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
ORGASMS AND PIZZA
PIZZA AND ORGASMS
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
Randomize
