my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
Why is there a shirtless guy in Walgreens and why is he probably looking for the same thing I am?
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
I am trying to think of a way to make alcohol cupcakes
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
I'm laughing at the fact that I'm at Target right now buying vitamins and alcohol.
He said I have the “Denzel Washington” of vaginas.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
she gave me a ride on the back of her motor scooter and i swooned so hard
omg it's like all of your grease 2 fantasies come true i'm so happy for you
Randomize
