apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
well apparently i yelled MY VAGINA WAS ANNIHILATED and his whole family heard
i was so drunk he made me beileve the song was called "thanksgiving sex."
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
The guy who said he's gonna suck your butthole till your face caves in is at Maggie's
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
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