yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
I have big tits. Rules don't apply to me.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
Just did a walk of shame dressed as a cowgirl and walked past his ex's entire sorority. Yippee kye aye, motherfucker.
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Got high with dad and hunted squirrels in the basement. Is this seriously what my life has come to?
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
One minute you were celebrating, the next you were bleeding all over your Nikes.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
I already left my house once this summer. Maybe we could do something in October.
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