remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
New favorite sorority...they made me pancakes in the morning and welcomed back the walk of shame girls with a round of applause
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I got back from work this morning after working the night shift to find an NFL player scaling the side of our apartment...from your window. He just took sneaking out to all new level. Care to explain?
I think that about sums it up, actually.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
not only did u rap a voicemail to me last night.... but it lasted so long that it cut you off so you called back to finish..... never do this again
Nothing quite like spending your evening singing Shania Twain I Feel Like a Woman barbershop quartet Style with some homeless guys outside of Keyport liquor. love Shania Twain. How's your Sunday?
Randomize
