I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I want to bury your face in my vagina. Possibly by force. I will try not to suffocate you though.
The last thing I remembered was laying in the bathtub fully clothed with the shower running while he was picking grilled cheese out of my hair. I couldn't figure out if i was more upset about being soaking wet or the fact that my grilled cheese was in my hair instead of my mouth.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just had to dig under a pile of condoms in my desk drawer to get to a blue book. Summer is officially over.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
Traveling before 21 and traveling after 21 are two different things. There's a whole nother world of red white and blue weird out there
1 tequila 2 tequila 3 tequila, floor.
*roof
Somehow she is more off limits now than when she was his girlfriend
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
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