you just love her because she lets you bang her with fruits and veggies!
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
Just heard the garage door open and I immediately sprinted to the laptop to erase history, even though I haven't watched porn today...I believe Pavlov now.
bitch please you did NOT just unlike my status..
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Look at my fb. It says single. That's the gospel.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
What has my life come to that I have to spank someone in morse code?
MDMA IS GREAT AND YOU WERE THE WORST GIRLFRIEND EVER.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
Randomize
