So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Pants-less sunday? Also I'm high and independence day is making me cry
im coming over
He's laying next to me passed out dressed as a hooters girl
I bet he's a super pretty hooters girl
I'm not pregnant. Security came before he could.
Boobs are out for the taking
And I wasn't prepared because its been a very long and lonely season and I wasn't expecting to find dick at Press Box trivia night....
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Pretty sure we had a civil war reenactment in your kitchen at 4am.
That would explain the cannon.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
Fuck you bitch. You're married. You got a live-in dick at home for your needs. I still gotta surf this shitty town's bars for cock
Randomize
