So you started off by saying "no homo," but patting his crotch and saying his jeans fit him wonderfully may have overshadowed that.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
also, did you notice that when he quoted your email he used MLA format?
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
We made the bar tender tell us how he proposed to his girlfriend. In detail. While we made gushing noises. We are embarrassments to females everywhere
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
And he was super vague about his life, it was frustrating. I totally boned a homeless guy, didn't I?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
You threw up on his face 22 hours ago and now he's here holding your hand. I think he likes you.
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
Randomize
