Hurry up. We're trading phones to prevent drunk texting.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
Thanks for taking care of me. I hope I didn't pee in your car.
See! Theres potential!
Oh yeah. All good relationships start with a threesome.
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
also somebody did cough syrup and i was really worried but i couldn’t express why properly so i was like MACKLEMORE SAYS NO
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
we didn't have sex though. because i have the will power of an ox.
I woke up in a bathtub full of green and blue Nickelodeon slime! wtf?!
Randomize
