Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
the choice between paying your electricity bill and getting herpes medicine is a tough one.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
the most romantic thing he could do for me right now would be to throw himself into traffic
Do you still have "be bumpin" written on your ass in glitter pen? Who brings a glitter pen to a bar? Or pulls there ass out for that matter...
I smell like a skunk, but I'm okay with that.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Can now check off "Start bar fight with my dad." on my bucket list.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
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