I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
i just want to meat her and do terribly wonderful things to her vagina...
You got off, kissed my dick and whispered "stay hard" to it, puked and then got right back on top of me like nothing happened...
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
You beat him at the shot competition, and proceeded to rub it in while telling everyone to "ASK ME A MATH QUESTION!!!"
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
I stole us four large rolls of toilet paper from the hotel carts. I feel like the breadwinner in this relationship
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
True life: I got so drunk that i took a shower with my clothes on at 4 am...
I just watched your fat stupid son get hit by a Prius. Ran right in front of it. He's all right . But... Maybe you should have taught him to look both ways like a responsible parent does.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize