Just caught my bro jerking off to a lane Bryant catalog
Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
can you pick up eggs and chocolate sauce on your way home?
what kind of party is this?
the best kind ever
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Got high and weighed everything in the house. My head is 16.2 pounds. Is that ok?
those were not strange pants with a really large waist band...it took me 3 days to realize I was wearing someone's sweater as pants
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
Are you aware that you called me "Sexy clit lady" last night?
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
Spending Thanksgiving making a swinging profile brings the day to a whole new level...
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Who wakes up at 9 and says "let me send a pic of my dick to my ex gf"
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I'm bringing pajamas, aspirin, morning after clothes and morning after pill
wyd
Laying here debating on if i want a sandwich or an orgasm.
Randomize
