I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
1. No more tequila 2. Why do you let me say slutty things? 3. I woke up and our apartment was covered in cake? 4. Love you
repeat this after me. period at the beach is better than baby at the beach. breathe. and: period at the beach is better than baby at the beach.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
This is like the time you took a picture of your knees and told him it was your tits, isn't it?
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
All my money is going towards making my vagina hairless
Worth it.
I'm going to be an 8 year old girl down there foreverrrr #fountainofyouth
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Julius Caesar had a huge penis
WTF are you reading?
Ha ha! No, the guy in the Caesar costume last night. We hooked up. His dick was huge
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
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