What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
how the hell did we fit 12 drunk lesbians in your car?! I felt like we were playing lesbian tetris last night.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
Someone posted a printout of my tits on my door this morning! Where did they get this photo!?!
When did angry sex become our thing?
What we have is to special to throw away over a woman who spreads her butt cheeks on a pool table for me...
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
Powdered alcohol is a real thing now. Move over crystal light... Water bottles rejoice!!
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
