Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
My birthday was already very memorable but her punching me in the face put it over the top. I love being 25 and still not giving a fuck.
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Help. I am eating nachos. But I'm with some guy. I need help. I don't know where I am. The nachos were so good. I'll bring them but help me.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
