OMG Im so trashed fishy! im sitting hereon my bed wif mcdonalds n i look like david hasselhoff!!!!!! kill me now
I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
this episode of spongebob makes me wish crabby patties were real
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
He was pretty out of it. He heard crickets outside, and thought it was the laptop. So he put his ear to it, rubbed the keyboard, and said "tell me your secrets."
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
You pole danced in your parka.
Don't be embarrassed its me, I've licked your taint.
Well we went from the roof to the stairwell to an air mattres. One day were going to fuck in a bed
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
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