That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
No no no no no. Not interrested. She looks just like Kim's fat booth picture. Only real.
Hey, 'thunder cock' as proud as I am for you getting laid, could you put a muzzle on her? I have to be up at 5, thanks.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Mcdonalds hasn't even finished serving breakfast yet and u two are getting drunk?
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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